Ken Griffey Jr Going to the Braves... no wait... the Mariners... maybe.

The Seattle Times and eight bazillion other places are reporting that Ken Griffey Jr. will return to the Seattle Mariners for the 2009 season, which is a huge surprise given that yesterday it was reported that he was going to the Braves. So, you know, take it all with a grain of salt.

Oregon Legislation Would Ban Aftermarket Parts

Oregon House Bill 2186 would allegedly ban aftermarket parts when "greener" alternatives are available. Primarily aimed at tires, it would keep enthusiasts from making their cars all fast and furious in the name of better fuel efficiency. Of course, it will be okay to keep driving your Hummer H1, but if you dare wish to add a little better handling to your Civic Hybrid, you're out of luck.

Check out SEMA Action Network (probably not the most unbiased source) for more.

Gregoire to Save $20 Million by Eliminating Adult Care Program

Old and crazy people will have to fend for themselves if Christine Gregoire's plan to cut the budget is approved. The state's Adult Health program costs the state around $20 million annually.

Apparently Ms. Gregoire could not find any better places to cut costs. And I think we can all agree that there are more important things than old and crazy people! Like a $4.2 billion tunnel underneath downtown Seattle. Or the $22 billion social engineering project known as Sound Transit 2. I mean, that's a LOT more important.

Burgerville to Start Serving Beer and Wine... Maybe.

KOMO News reports that Portland/Vancouver institution Burgerville has applied for a liquor license for their new Salmon Creek store. If approved, you would be able to enjoy a local brew with your burger and fries.

Drive-Thru Customer: "I'd like a Tillamook Cheeseburger, and one beer to go, please!"

It's a Tunnel After All! No, Wait! Maybe Not.

Props to me for calling it like I see it.

An agreement has been made, and the Alaskan Way Viaduct will be replaced by a $4.25 billion tunnel, even though the tunnel was ruled out just one month ago. The tunnel option will allow for the viaduct to remain standing while it's replacement is under construction. Also, they'll probably change their minds again. I don't have any proof or anything... it's just what they do.

That was 12 days ago. Today in the Times...

Gov. Chris Gregoire's plan to replace the Alaskan Way Viaduct with a tunnel is already running into trouble.

The coalition backing the $4.2 billion project appears fragile. And some legislative leaders doubt a key element of the proposal — allowing King County to pass a motor-vehicle excise tax to support increased public transit — will pass this session.

Finally, check out this gem:

House leaders are particularly concerned about the fact the state is responsible for any cost overruns with the proposed 54-foot-wide tunnel.

Kessler said she met recently with Gregoire to discuss the project.

"I said, 'Governor, I don't think the taxpayers of this state want to be on the hook for unknown cost overruns. The Big Dig comes to mind in Boston,' " she said, referring to a tunnel project where costs exceeded $14 billion.

Kessler said the governor told her the state was only responsible for overruns related to the state's portion of the project. "And I said, 'Well, that's the tunnel. The big unknown.' "

Why do we keep re-electing these people? My only theory is that we do so to keep them out of the private sector so we don't have to deal with them.

Wazzu Professor Makes $245,000 to Teach One Class

A professor at Washington State University is now making $245,000 for teaching one class, ironically about Karl Marx. Apparently Mr. Steven Hoch was hired as the WSU Provost, but was demoted after acting like a complete baby; getting into a physical fight with a WSU Vice President. Unfortunately, his contract with WSU states that he still must be paid 80% of his original salary, while other WSU history professors make less than $80,000 on average.

Despite the discrepancy, Hoch's colleagues seem to be full of praise for him. "He has a Ph.D. from Princeton, and he is a quite accomplished Russian historian, even though he has not been active for a time because he's been an administrator," Steve Kale, the interim chair of the history department told the AP.

Meanwhile colleges are having a hard time maintaining funding in the current economy. The UW, for example, is not accepting most new students for Spring Quarter. Someone needs to man up, stop hiding behind his contract, and take a paycut. Or better yet, quit.

US Airways Airbus A320 Crashes en route to Charlotte, Seattle

An Airbus A320 carrying passengers from New York to Charlotte and Seattle crashed on takeoff into the Hudson River. Apparently the majority (if not all) the passengers are okay. The plane appears to have crashed due to a bird strike of some sort, which discounts my theory that the primary reason was that it's an Airbus.

Judges Okay Sex with 18 Year Old Students

When it comes to teacher-student relations, no one is more pioneering than the state of Washington! Now, from the Washington Court of Appeals comes news that state law does not forbid sexual contact between a teacher and their 18 year old student.

In other unrelated news, I just sent in an application to be a high school teacher.

It's a Tunnel After All!

An agreement has been made, and the Alaskan Way Viaduct will be replaced by a $4.25 billion tunnel, even though the tunnel was ruled out just one month ago. The tunnel option will allow for the viaduct to remain standing while it's replacement is under construction. Also, they'll probably change their minds again. I don't have any proof or anything... it's just what they do.

The Seattle P-I is Dead

Hearst has confirmed reports that they are offering the Seattle Post-Intelligencer to the highest (or any) bidder, but they don't expect to find a buyer according to a report by KING 5. If a buyer is not found, the P-I would cease to exist as a print publication, either moving to digital distribution or closing shop entirely.

Since the P-I relies entirely on The Seattle Times for printing and distribution, the only assets available to potential buyers are a newsroom staffed with journalists and a subscriber base, which pretty much makes them undesirable.

Joseph Aqui is a Great Co-Worker. Also, He Raped 17 Women.

KIRO-FM's Dori Monson interviewed a co-worker of convicted rapist Joseph Aqui who claimed he is great and she'd feel totally comfortable being alone in a room with her. But it turns out someone else called in... one of his victims. Fortunately the woman was able to convince Aqui to leave her alone, but she was the exception, not the rule.

Meanwhile, Lake Forest Park police were kind enough to give out a current general address for Mr. Aqui.

Read their PDF here.

Lake Forest Park police would like to remind you that this information is not to be used to harass or intimidate Joseph Aqui, and that such actions won't be tolerated. And to think I was worried about who would protect us from Aqui... all this time the police were worried about protecting him from us.

Gun Sales Set to Rise in Lake Forest Park

Convicted rapist Joseph Aqui has moved to a home in Lake Forest Park, where he will be under limited (no) supervision on a daily basis. The move, recommended by DSHS, allows Aqui to live with a roommate who will monitor his movements. Unfortunately, his roommate, 64, at least occasionally sleeps away from home, and was recently arrested for domestic assault.

More disturbing, Aqui is taking the bus from his home to his workplace in Redmond, despite the fact that he committed over a dozen acts of rape against random women, some of which occurred in the early morning hours.

Meanwhile, the state hasn't even updated their sex offender database with his current location. Can we fire these idiots yet?

More from KOMO.

787 Spotted in Sri Lanka

That's right, a Boeing 787 was delivered to Mihin Lanka airlines, according to Lanka Newspapers. The airplane seats 187 passengers and is on loan from France for the next six months. Well no wonder Boeing is having so many problems with the 787. They've been building the wrong plane!

State Republicans Sorely Disappointed

It turns out Governor Gregoire isn't accepting an appointment in the Obama administration. She isn't even in Washington, D.C. Apparently she is in Iraq, where she visited Washington National Guard troops. But out of curiosity, if she HAD accepted a place in the Obama cabinet, who would be our new governor? No, seriously, I'm asking because I don't know.

Is Christine Gregoire Leaving Washington for Washington, D.C.?

Speculation is rampant regarding a mystery trip to Washington, D.C. by Governor
Christine Gregoire. Rumor is she might be up for the commerce position left open by Governor Richardson, however her spokesperson is apparently denying this rumor. Meanwhile, the TNT is reporting that a planned big announcement for Tuesday morning might regard funding for either transportation or general funds from the federal government.

My guess? She's going to be filming a new infomercial with Senator Al Franken promoting her new book and DVD set titled "The Proven Gregoire System for Stealing Elections."

Video of Woman in Bikini

KOMO TV featured this video of a woman in a bikini at an espresso shop. Oh yeah, and she was getting robbed. The video didn't get a very good look at the robbers, but it did feature plenty of her running around half naked, which I'm pretty sure is the reason it got as much airtime as it did.

By the way, the bikini barista trend has to be one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. It's incredibly demeaning and implies that the only value these women bring to the coffee shop is their body. It's sickening. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go watch the video a few dozen times to see if I can figure out who the robber is.

UPDATE: KING 5 is in on the action too. Apparently the people at KIRO TV aren't as perverted.

Suggestion: Please Stop Trying to Walk Across the Freeway

Please, please, please stop trying to walk across the freeway. It turns out that there are ways to get across the freeway without walking through the middle of 60+ mph traffic. They are called overpasses and underpasses, and you can safely walk across them without being hit by one or more moving vehicles.

Lynnwood Tony Roma's Being Auctioned Off

Without warning the Lynnwood Tony Roma's went out of business at the end of December and is now being auctioned off by the James G. Murphy Company.

Following in the wake of the recent closure of Chevy's, the Lynnwood Tony Roma's appears to be another victim of the sour economy. They're auctioning off some neat stuff, if you ever wanted to run a restaurant.

Espresso Bandit Strikes Again

Police are searching for a man who has committed a string of robberies over the last two months, all of them at espresso stands.


The man, seen here in a sketch apparently drawn by a fifth grader, is driving a maroon Mitsubishi Montero Sport XLS, and has been robbing espresso stands in South King County.

More from KOMO 4.

Porcello Jewelers Will Give You Free Stuff If It Rains

The people at Porcello Jewelers are advertising a sale where you get the goods for free if it rains on a certain day between a certain period of time, which I believe is six hours. Please understand that I may be hallucinating and all of this is made up.

I'm not sure exactly what the details of the sale are, since their website pretends it doesn't exist, but I'm not sure this is the smartest sale I've ever heard of. Because the chances that it will rain in Seattle is awfully high.

There must be something I am missing. Like sleep.

Mandatory Nutrition Labeling Has Come to Your Favorite Restaurant Chain

As of January 1st, your favorite chain restaurant (15 or more locations) must include nutritional information on the menu, provided the restaurant is located in King County.

Photo by pnoeric.

King 5 has more.